To Clarify

28 Jul

After yesterday’s post about disagreeing with certain disciplining, a few commenters came from Zoot’s site and were very upset with the post that I’d written about how I disagree with the idea of using a cold water shower to discipline a child.

The first clarification that I want to make is that I never once said that Zoot was a bad mother. I don’t know Zoot from Eve – the only things I know about Zoot are what I read about her on her website and what other people say about her. How am I to know if she’s a good mother or a bad mother? I’m not! From what I’ve read she seems like a very loving mother who adores her children, there’s no doubt about that.

The blog-o-sphere is a tricky place. For instance, how are you guys to know that I don’t leave my dogs hooked outside all winter long with no water or food? You can’t know that. (for the record, I don’t. The damn dogs are more spoiled than my kids are half the time AND their food is WAY more expensive than the kids!! Just sayin’…)

Everyone says that Zoot is a great mom, and she probably is! If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years of doing respite and foster care its that you never know how a parent is until you actually see them with their children. You can prevaricate and assume all that you want but until you actually see how the parents handle the children, you shouldn’t pass judgment on them.

Now, for the second clarification – I wasn’t passing judgment on Zoot as a parent, I was stating that I disagreed with her use of cold water showers to discipline her daughter. I do not feel that it is a good disciplining technique and I feel that there are many other techniques that can be used to get children to behave that do not involve putting them in a cold water shower.

Also, I would never have written the blog post I wrote yesterday had Zoot left the comment I originally wrote on her blog. I was extremely disappointed that she had closed that means of communication and sought to write about the situation on my own blog. Does she have the right to take my comments down from her website? Absolutely! It’s her blog, after all. But I personally feel that you should allow discussion within your comments as long as the commenters are not hateful and being rude. I think that having discussion is healthy and its the way to learn more about not only yourself, but others as well.

This is not the first time that Zoot has taken down my comments, nor, I’m sure, will it be the last. When I do come out of lurkerdom and write a comment, I try to be as respectful as I possibly can. I’m not, however, a sheeple (thanks Chuck for that ingenious word). I’m not someone who will simply agree with something that someone else says or does just because I’m their friend or because I enjoy reading their blog. I am, and always have been, a very opinionated person and I have no problem expressing my opinions – and I do try to do it in as respectful of a manner as I possibly can.

2 Responses to “To Clarify”

  1. Holly July 28, 2009 at 2:36 pm #

    Well said. I think people sometimes get a little extra sensitive when it comes to disagreement on the internet. Since you usually don’t have a personal relationship with the person and you can’t see their facial expressions or hear tone of voice, things can tend to come out as more harsh/judgemental/pick-a-word than we mean them to. I still think you were well within your rights to comment, but I guess it was also within her right to take it down.

    And as a second comment on the last post, I think the best punishments are ones that could be realistically administered in adulthood. Time-out allows someone time to think things over and not react too quickly/violently to a situation. Taking away toys or privileges is something that could realistically happen if someone fails to manage their finances or commits a crime. Sorry so long, just wanted to add my two cents.

  2. Marilyn July 28, 2009 at 4:26 pm #

    a) I am a friend of Zoot’s and I HAVE seen her with her children. But my posting here yesterday wasn’t 100% about sticking up for her. Mostly it was about giving her a cold shoulder (and whether that’s what you intended or not, that’s how I and many others saw it) when what she really needed was kind support. b) You’ve said it yourself: the blogosphere is tricky and you have to be careful about what you do on other people’s “turf”. She has all the right in the world to take down posts and comments because it’s her blog. c) I am not a “sheeple”. I never once said I agree with her method. But I do not agree with your method of disagreement either, I find it fairly tacky. In my opinion, you need to try harder to disagree in a respectful manner.

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