Dream Girl

29 Nov
I’ve been trying to re-sharpen my writing skills and wrote this a few weeks ago at work. PLEASE tell me your honest opinions…I need some constructive criticism! Thanks!
He’d been in love for forever, it seemed; ever since the day she had walked onto the floor. Working in a small call center as he did, ever new face was easily spotted, and for him the world had stopped spinning when he’d seen her radiant smile for the first time.

It was three days before he had the opportunity to see her again, and he’d cursed the long weekend. She had walked in when there were only a handful of hours left of his shift. She stood talking to someone a few chairs away from his desk and even from that distance he could smell the sweetness of her shampoo.

He’d lingered a few minutes after his shift had ended and had been rewarded when she had brushed by him. Underneath his beaten brown leather, his skin had burned from her touch. She laughed the next day and his heart swelled. He vowed then to make her laugh as often as he could. For three weeks he got closer to the raven-haired beauty. First by arranging to help finish her training, then by sitting near her at every opportunity, and finally by hanging out with the friends she hung out with.

It was the wholesome girl-next-door quality that he loved the most. She had a smile for everyone and a compassionate nature. She refused to participate in the bad gossip that flew around the building and didn’t understand the joke when certain people cheered at the clock turning 4:20. He wasn’t the most handsome guy, he’d often mused, but in her presence all his awkwardness melted away.

It was two months after she’d been hired before he finally worked up the nerve to ask her out. He’d practiced his proposition in his head so many times that he could probably recite it backwards.

“You’re a beautiful, amazing person. I enjoy our time together and would really like to get to know you better. Would you like to go to dinner with me?” He just knew she’d say yes. All through lunch he’d planned the date: where he’d take her, what he’d wear, what flowers he’d get…everything was planned perfectly.

As he walked near the back entrance a sound caught his attention. Something sounded off. He bypassed the door and rounded the back corner torwards the noise.

Legs wrapped around his best friend’s waist and back against the freight door, his dream girl had her head thrown back in ecstacy. His friend was pumping into the beauty with so much force that he was surprised the door held. And she was loving it.

A sensible guy, he’d always thought the term ‘broken heart’ was melodramatic, but the pain the sliced through his chest could be described as nothing else. He turned and left the lovers as he’d found them. He sat as his desk and watched as, five minutes later, she glided in, her smile so radiant it could make the sun jealous. She sat next to him and asked how his lunch break had been.

He answered. And if his smile didn’t reach his eyes and his voice seemed a little flat, she didn’t seem to notice.

His dream girl.

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