25 Sep

I am so incredibly pissed off right now. I’m so pissed off that I’m tempted to leave the house and not return!

Actually – Scott made that ultimatium before he headed out with the kids. The horrible thing is that I’m tempted to call him on it. “If you do leave, don’t come back” – yeah, I’m sure that would last.

What am I pissed off about?

It seems so stupid – but a short while ago, he walked into the kitchen and goes, “Oh – I just paid for a membership for that website”. There’s a website that we’ve dicussed getting a membership for. Or, rather, HE’S discussed, I’ve rejected. The thing is useless – there’s no point in getting a membership. In fact, instead of just saying no, I redirected him to ANOTHER site that was very similar but that would make more sense to have a membership on.

“Oh – I just paid for a membership for that website.”

Like you make ALL the money in the house – we have oil to worry about (which is exceedingly expensive), and Toad’s birthday, and Christmas, not to mention the little thing called the MORTGAGE! We helped the neighbor move today and he gave Scott $100. Scott tried not to take it, but the neighbor wouldn’t accept no as an aswer. Instead of putting that money away for Christmas or for oil, he blows part of it on a stupid website membership!

But I really had to stop and ask myself why I was pissed off – for one thing, he JUST got that damn Bowflex. It was $400 (that we DIDN’T have), but that was was willing to juggle money around in order to get for him. He has quit smoking, which is great. Now, however, he’s hard-core into it and wants to buy expensive protein shakes and eat me out of house and raw eggs. I have three pairs of jeans that fit (all I wear is jeans) and don’t have holes in them, boots that have NO traction and are almost ten years old, a winter jacket that is too old to wear anymore (it’s falling apart), and he needs new sneakers, yet he goes out and buys a FUCKING WEBSITE MEMBERSHIP…..

And THEN he gets pissed when I’M pissed!

“Don’t come home” my ass – I’d like to see what he’d do if my ass didn’t come home. AND THEN he comes home and starts picking things up – today he gets all pissy and I say “LEAVE IT! I’ll do it as soon as I’m done workig on this.” I hear him mutter, “I’ve been busy helping the neighbor all day – I shouldn’t have to come home and do this.”

“Oh, like I’VE been home all day?! If I remember correctly, I was helping you guys for a few hours, then had to get the kid, then had to put her down for a nap, then had to get Toad, then had to work and make sure they didn’t kill each other – yeah, I’ve had PLENTY of time to pick up something that I BET will still be fucking there tomorrow!”

Yeah – I’m thoroughly pissed off.

It seems like all we do is fight anymore. Part of me wants to say “the hell with it” and seperate – but only a small part of me. Other than the fighting (that happens at least once a week or more), we do okay. We both love our kids, and we love each other. Apparently I need to learn to stop assuming that a civil conversation will work between the two of us and go straight to the fighting.

OH! And what REALLY pisses me off is when he says this: “You’re not my mother”!


If I was that would be DISGUSTING!!!


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