Visiting Gram

8 Oct

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Gram’s Stone, originally uploaded by scootersbabygirl.

We drove around Sunday afternoon to look at the fall foliage. Every year I promise I’ll get shots and every year I forget. It’s also a tradition of mine to visit the graves of my loved ones before the snow falls (because you can’t get to them after that). So we went to Scott’s parents and paid our respects there, then we went to my grandmother’s grave.

I’ve never shown you my gram’s grave – here it is. I’m not sure who went up and put the little pumpkins, but I’m glad they did. Gram loved Halloween. You can tell by looking at this grave that she is loved and is missed on a daily basis.

It’s been six months since we lost her. I thought that maybe, by now, I’d be able to visit the grave without crying. I was wrong. I thoroughly lost it. Scott was there and held me while the kids ran around playing, like only little children can do in a graveyard. I realized yesterday that this will be the first Halloween and the first Christmas that I will have to go through without my grandmother. Every year we spent both holidays with her (there was one or two Christmas’ that she was with other family, but it didn’t happen often). It was part of my Christmas routine – get up – open presents – see gram. For me, Christmas didn’t officially start until I got to hug my grandmother good morning.

There will be no grandmotherly Christmas hugs this year. There will be me, my husband, the kids, and my mom and step-dad. Yes, I am very fortunate that we all have each other, but that doesn’t stop the ache that seems to be building today. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I feel lost again today. When will this end?


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