Thank you

7 Jun

I want to thank you guys for leaving the messages yesterday – instead of emailing you all back privately, I’m going to answer you here!

JeneraMy hubby is kind of like this too. He gets all worked up and it usually stems from something from weeks before that I had no idea about. I usually am the one trying to calm things down and keep him from exploding. Last week it was another one of those and I finally exploded right back at him and it shocked him into seeing what his behavior was like.

I’m glad you exploded back at him! Scott literally sat here for over an hour trying to figure out what his “problem” was – he’s concluded that he has no idea what his problem is, and I’m through trying to put the puzzle together myself, because invariably I always get the wrong answer.

Jennifer – I just subscribed to your blog. I am glad you are not leaving. I think that in most relationships there is one partner like this. My husband takes everything personally. I can’t stand it. I refuse to give into him either. good luck i hope it gets better.

Thank you Jennifer!! I just visited your site and am very happy that your daughter is getting into tea parties – word to the wise – combine a tea party into your lunch. Get a cheap, inexpensive toy set that you can put “tea” (in our house “tea” is usually Sprite) in and make little finger sandwiches. This is a great way to get your daughter to eat when she’s not in the mood to eat and to combine two activities into one!

Sarena – I do hope that you don’t shut down! I have been reading for ages and although I have commented occasionally, I do not do it very often. Most times, I read your posts, smile and think “Me too”. My relationship with my man has lots in common with yours. He compares his temper to firecrackers-lots of noise and burn out quickly. I am the nuclear bomb-takes a bit to get me angry but when I explode-watch out! It is so comforting to know we are not the only ones that struggle with staying a team. Of course, you can do whatever you need to, but I do hope you are able to keep posting. I would sure miss you.

Aww Sarena, I have to say that your email came at the perfect time. Seeing that “I read your posts, smile, and think “me too” came just when I needed it! WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A BLOG!!! I need to read about someone else’s neurotic life!!!

DeeHoney….men=selectiving hearing. Every single one of them. Not sure what it is. Someone once said that men provide solutions to us and we want them to listen. So, our goals are different. It is incredible to have him repeat my words sometimes… it is so NOT what I said. Hang in there chickie!!

That’s a good point – I need to have him repeat back to me more often when I tell him and see what he thinks I said. It’s like a juvenile game of telephone – annoying.

SherryI don’t have any good advice. I don’t even have any bad advice. But I’m sorry you guys are going through this. You don’t have to answer this, but is there something else going on that could be causing the tension to come out? Half the time my husband and I fight about something, it has a lot more to do with something completely unrelated than it does with the actual issue at hand.

Is that like when you get in a car and complain about someone’s driving, when in reality you’re not upset at their driving skills, you’re pissed off about something else? Hmmm…as far as I know with me, I’m not frustrated about anything else – just him :). And HE believes that nothing is wrong with him. My guess, however, is that some things have to do with his parents. Scott’s parents passed away awhile ago, and there are times when missing them rears its ugly head. While I absolutely sympathyze with this and try to help him, this whole “I’m pissed off and want to bang my chest – RAWR” thing has GOT to stop. I can’t work with him if he’s not willing to talk and listen at the same time.

TraceyWell, my two cents on this is that, maybe down deep he fears you are going to leave him and thus the reason that is why he is only hearing that part of the sentence, comment, statement, whatever. I think you need to assure him that you aren’t leaving, prove it to him so that he can put those fears to rest and then maybe you won’t be having so many heated, unnecassary arguments about something that shouldn’t be a problem, unless it really is?? Reading between the lines it sometimes sounds like you are the unhappy one, despite how much you “love” him you can’t seem to be just content with that, it’s like you are always complaining about what he hasn’t done for you, maybe you should focus on the stuff he does do…You are blessed to have all you have in life, a good home, a good family, healthy and content children and a husband who comes home every night, is a good dad and LOVES you!Don’t always go looking for trouble, it will find you soon enough hun! Good luck and just chill a little, that’s all.

Let me break this one down a bit – to start with, how can I prove to him that I’m not going anywhere? I’ve said to him time and time again that I have no plans on leaving him…that I do not plan on going anywhere. On the phone with my SIL today, talking about this situation (she’s the only one I talk to about it aside from the internet), she was emphatic that I have never once given so much as a hint that I would be going anywhere, and that he needed to chill out about it. Yes, he had horrible experiences with women in the past, but I’m not them, and when I told him last night that I sometimes feel as though he judges me on his past women, he agreed and said that he would try to stop doing that.

Next, I know, I do have a wonderful husband for the most part. He does take care of the kids with me and he does do things around the house. He does come back home every night and he does swear that he loves me. I do wonder a lot if I’m overreacting about some things, but in the last six months I’ve really made a concerted effort to chill out, and to try to stay calmer (not easy when my hormones go berserk), and it seems as though the calmer I’m getting, the more he is getting crabby and freaking out.

I have a habit of over-thinking things, and quite often the wonderful CinnKitty has told me that I need to stop feeling guilty about feeling something and just allow myself to feel the way that I feel. Scott’s not an angel, and neither am I, and while I overlook a lot (and I do mean a LOT) of his flaws, there are certain things that I just can’t.

For instance, he’s ANAL about cleaning – he comes home and immediately rushes to clean up the things that I didn’t get to, which makes me feel as though I’m a loser, because I was home all day. THEN he complains that he has no time to himself, when he could just come home and relax a bit (which I’ve told him he should do a number of times). Then there’s the fact that he’s very pig-headed – when he wants something, he immediately wants it and doesn’t have the patience to wait. He hates when my clothes are on the floor and throws a fit, and he continually knocks our internet out because he does crap he’s not supposed to do. He allows the kids to do things that can be considered dangerous because he’s not always thinking, and gets ticked when I get panicked about it. Trust me, Scott is not the easiest person to live with, but then again, neither am I, and I recognize this.

But thank you guys for all your emails!! I’m going to get some work done and try to spend some time with my family.

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