Men are from Mars, Women are from Another Galaxy Apparently

30 Jun
I’ve gotta respond to these, for they’re too good!

Angelika says: (abbreviated version)


Why don’t you just tell him to read your blog so he can see what you say?

Good point. Surprisingly enough, I thought he WAS reading it! And, I’ll admit that I hoped he would read that last post and see it, but he never said anything about it. Maybe I’ll have to email him a virtual invitation.

My good Australian friend, JM, says:


You’re probably going to hate me for this, but didn’t you *assume* he’d know you wanted to go to the movie…?

Touche! I give, my dear, that was a very good point…and I could never hate you! You’re right, I did assume. Bad toad me!

Heidi says:

Ack! Men! Hubby used to do the same thing. Don’t feel guilty. There is
nothing to feel guilty about, he is trying to get you upset (and he is
winning by you feeling guilty). Know that you love him (and vice versa)
and move on. I don’t know about the blog reading – once you open that
can of worms . . .

Heidi’s got a point too…do I really want him to know exactly what is in my head at all times? Actually, I think I do, because he makes such a point of swearing that he knows my mind, when, half the time, he doesn’t.

I found myself shocked and extremely pleased this morning to find that JM’s husband had come out of the virtual woodwork to leave a message on this post as well! As much as I love hearing a woman’s point of view, a man’s point of view (especially when you’re talking about a situation with a man) can give you a different perspective.

OK, from a blokes PoV…

1. we’re not particularly fond of hints. Most guys I know will
deliberately NOT respond to them even when we ‘get’ them. If you want
something (other than him moving heaven & Earth for you) simply ask
him.

I don’t mean ask specifically to go to that particular movie, but sit
him down, maybe over a nice meal, & let him know you’d REALLY like
it if he did something unexpected for you every now & then.

Done right he will then wait for something he sees as special for you & do it.

2. Men don’t like our private things discussed. Full Stop. Under any
circumstances. Men do NOT sit in a bar & talk about their private
lives & if one does, he finds himself alone pretty damn quick.

He probably trusts you on your blog, but there’s still the thing about
you mentioning your private stuff which includes him & so he’s
going to be sensitive about it.

Be sensitive to that fact of life. We see it (a bit) as criticism when
negative things are said. They tend to outweigh 10 nice things (because
we don’t really believe them anyway)

So, next time there’s something you’d like. sit him down & say
‘Honey, I’d really like it if you could organise… (whatever) this
weekend.

Personally if someone wants me to do the dishes, it’s MUCH more likely
to happen if they simply say, ‘could you do the dishes please?’ than if
they hint around the subject – that just makes me stubborn.

Hint: Go to the library & get ‘Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus’ – while slightly simplified, it is also true.

Good luck on your next ‘pleasure’ in life.

First of all, than you Journy for leaving a message! I appreciate it! Now, to the meat and bones of it…

The fact of the matter is that I have told him…many times…that I would appreciate him trying to be romantic now and again. In the 8, almost 9 years that we’ve been together, I’ve sat him down a number of times (usually once a year or so) after Toad was born whenever we got to a point where we had done nothing but sit in the house for months and months at a time.

Each time I sat down with him and explained why (and yes, I was asked why, repeatedly) I felt that I needed romance, he would always swear that he was sorry and that he would try to do better. Does he?
Nope.

I understand that romance does not come easily for him, and the majority of the time I am perfectly willing to plan the few romantic encounters that we have a year.

Here’s how I look at it: in any relationship, it is 50/50. So we each have to give our share. This, in my mind, includes romance/seduction/whatever you want to call it. I need to give 50 and he needs to give 50.

Last night he finally stopped being in a snit and sat down with me to talk.

“But,” he says, “I do romantic things…only you don’t see them that way.”

“What do you do that I don’t get?” I asked.

“Well…umm…you know…the things I do you apparently don’t see as romantic.”

“Scott, to me romance is like giving a present. When you buy a present for someone, do you buy what you want, or what they want?”

“What they want – why would they have use for what I want?”

“Right. So when you’re trying to be romantic, you need to try to do something that I would like and see as romantic, not just something that you believe to be romantic.”

He didn’t say much about that, other than the old, “you’re right, I’m sorry”, which I do appreciate.

Here’s another thing to take into consideration:

When we first got together, I can think of at least 4 big sexual fantasies that he told me he had.

Now? He has 1 (I’m sorry, sex in public is not an easy thing for me!).

When we first got together, I had 4 big sexual fantasies too.

Now? I have 4.

Yes, I have told him about all 4…extensively. Has he made an effort to make them become a reality? No. And here’s the thing: my fantasies are SO MUCH EASIER than his were to accomplish! They’re more or less the old “romance me and bed me” type, with candles/baths/girly things that you’d find in a trashy romance novel. Yes, I’m girly. I swear. Shut up!

Anyway, it feels to me like he’s not delivering on his 50% of the romance department. Hell, now I’d settle for 30%!! I do understand that its difficult for him to be romantic…its difficult for me to cater to a number of his whims, but I do it anyway because I love him and want to make him happy. If he just makes an effort occasionally I will be extremely happy!

That being said, he asked at one point yesterday if I would end the entire relationship because he wasn’t romantic enough. (btw, what is “enough”?) I reminded him that he’s never been very romantic in the 8 years we’ve been together, and that I was still with him, wasn’t I?

I just shot myself in the foot, didn’t I?

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