Last Night

3 Jul
So I brought the babysitter home – the babysitter, by the way, is my cousin’s oldest daughter, and has just reached that magical age where she’s responsible enough to be a great babysitter. Babygirl and Toad love her, as she sits down and plays with them and makes an effort to have lots of fun.

I noticed that my cousin was home (she lives with my Aunt) and decided to stop in and chat for a bit.

A bit turned into 3 1/2 hours.

The next thing I knew it was 8:30, and she and I had been talking and talking and talking. We talked about my grandmother, about my grandfather (who I never really knew well), and about my sperm-donor. We talked about when my aunt and cousin used to take care of me, and about how we wish that the family would get together more often.

We talked about my other aunt, who is raising her grandchildren and doing a horrible job at it (more on this later – you want a rant, you’ll have one), and we talked about the yard sale that will occur at my grandmother’s house.

We talked about my mother, and how we both believe that she has never forgiven her father and that she more or less dislikes all men. We also discussed how my aunt doesn’t understand why my mother doesn’t try to see and be with her grandchildren more often.

“My grandchildren and children are the light of my life, and I can’t imagine not wanting to just sit down and play with them.”

We talked about my kids.

“I told your mother how I’d watched her grandchildren, and how I thought they were amazing children.”

We talked about Scott and my issues and how we’re fighting.

“Men are morons…don’t get me wrong, I love Scott and think he’s a great guy, but he’s still a man.”

We talked in a way that I haven’t sat down and talked to someone before. Over a few sodas, a few cigarettes (all hers, I assure you, I have enough bad habits), and a few hours, I became unburdened. I feel loved and connected to my family (at least one member) again, and am feeling lighter and freer than I have in a long time.

Scott remarked later in the evening that I was “simply giddy” today.

“Well,” I replied, “my husband took the afternoon off to treat me to a movie, the kids had a blast with the babysitter, and I got to have a long chat with another adult who loves me and who is not ashamed to show it OR to talk about anything. I had a great day.”

Simply giddy doesn’t even cover it.

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