Giving Myself Credit

4 Sep

I usually say I’m not the worlds best mom, but this time I’m going to give myself some credit. Here was my morning.

  • 3:30am – hear Toad coughing uncontrollably. Get up. Put on robe (yes, I sleep comfortably) and get Toad drink. Realize his bedroom is much cooler than mine and cuddle up next to him to, of course, “comfort him”.
  • 4:00am – hear Toad coughing again – this time right next to me. Have him sip more apple juice and realize I should probably go to bed myself. Kiss and hug him and hope he sleeps.
  • 4:02am – realize, from my own bed, that I’M thirsty. Go get myself some apple juice and turn on the television in the bedroom.
  • 4:30am – wow – the George Lopez show sucked a whole half hour out of my night. Good thing it’s done with.
  • 5:00am – shit. Second George Lopez show (continuation of the first one) was really good. Now it’s 5 am. Realize Scott’s alarm clock will be going off in about an hour and try to get to sleep.
  • 6:00am – hear Scott’s alarm clock go off. SHUT THE DAMN THING OFF! Snuggle into his pillow and pass out again.
  • 7:00am – hear my own alarm clock go off – turn it off.
  • 7:05am – hear Toad’s alarm clock go off. Listen as he gets up and turns it off. Get ready to haul myself out of bed.
  • 7:45am – SHIT SHIT SHIT!!
  • 7:46am – explain to Toad that we’re REALLY late and have him earn son of the year award due to his suggestion that, ‘since we’re late, mom, I can just eat breakfast at school, if that’s okay with you.’
  • 7:47am – throw together lunch for Toad and watch Babygirl stumble out of bed.
  • 7:55am – drop Toad off at school…in my “old lady” nightgown – hope that no parents see.
  • 8:00am – get Babygirl and myself dressed. Actually, she dresses herself quite well…I took longer than she did to get dressed.
  • 8:15am – swallow a few ibuprophen to ward off incoming headache.
  • 8:25am – get out of van to walk to Babygirl’s preschool.
  • 8:25am – “MOM! I just saw a caterpillar!”
  • 8:27am – scoop extremely strange looking HUGENORMOUS caterpillar into kids tupperware snack container I’d just happened to leave in the van. I’m psychic like that and not lazy at all…truly.
  • 8:30am – get Babygirl’s hands washed and show caterpillar off to classroom full of children. Her know-it-all teacher has no idea what type of caterpillar it is. Feel slight sense of smugness.
  • 8:45am – drive to mother’s work/school to see if she has any containers to keep caterpillar in (due to Babygirl’s “can we keep it?” pleadings). She says no. Crap.
  • 8:50am – go to pet store which doubles as a hardware store in our rinky-dink town and get a small critter habitat…justify expense by realizing that kids will be bringing home more and more bugs as they get older.
  • 9:10am – get the mail in post office – bring caterpillar in because I have NO IDEA what type it is and don’t want to kill the creepy little thing.
  • 9:12am – saved by post office customer who says that these types eat all the tomatoes in a garden.
  • 9:30am – let dogs into the house and feed them – they’ve been outside starving all morning. Get habitat set up for caterpillar. Slice up one of Scott’s precious tomatoes (sorry honey) and put it into habitat with caterpillar.
  • 9:35am – watch caterpillar try to climb out while I begin searching to discover exactly what kind of caterpillar it is. Ignore the nudging from the head that says that we have way too much work to do to be spending time looking for a specific species of caterpillar.
  • 9:45am – discover that it is a Tomato Hornworm Caterpillar which winters underground – no chrisalis for us. Dammit. Expect pissed off Babygirl when she realizes we have to let it go tonight.
  • 10:00am – field phone call from Sperm Donor, who just got “terminated”. As he says, “I wasn’t fired – I was terminated – it sounds better.”
  • 10:15am – field phone call from woman from post office (how did she get my number?!) who says she knows what it is – thank her, exchage witty stories, and get off phone FAST.
  • 10:25am – start to look for photos to show you guys how insanely huge this bright green caterpillar is when I discover it’s NOT a Tomato Hornworm Caterpillar – it’s a Tobacco Hornworm Caterpillar. Wonder briefly who is growing tobacco around the kids school or if they have been growing some other form of smoking material….
  • 10:35 – get ready to post and smell the coffee that has been sitting on the counter for me, patiently waiting for me and ready to help me “get a start” on the day. Realize I’ve done NO WORK and that I will be playing catch up later, all due to my kiddos anda 6-7″ slimy green caterpillar. Lovely.

Here’s a video of the Tobacco Hornworm Caterpillar – it’s actually pretty funny and looks almost exactly like mine, except ours is a bit longer than this one.


One Response to “Giving Myself Credit”

  1. Finn September 4, 2008 at 3:17 pm #

    Um, ew. Squishy. Hornworm. Tee hee. I’m this many (holds up 41 fingers).

    How’s that for a coherent comment?

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