Romance Lessons: Lesson 1

15 Sep

Before I say anything else, watch this. I don’t care who you’re voting for, I don’t even care IF you’re voting (okay, I do, but that has nothing to do with this) – this is the sketch that everyone is talking about – Tina Fey as Sarah Palin and Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton on SNL this past Saturday – this is the whole sketch and is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!

I could seriously watch that over and over again – too funny! I remember when SNL used to be funny, then it got old. This, however, was amazing. I was told that the rest of the show was great too (because they didn’t let dolphin boy speak much – it’s good to see SNL getting funny again!

And now what I was really going to write about: a lesson for guys.

Lesson 1: How to Get LaidGuaranteed

Guys, do you want to get laid? Seriously? Do you want your wife or girlfriend so hot and bothered that she practically rips your clothes off? I’m going to teach you how that is accomplished. Just follow my three easy steps and you’ll find that your girlfriend can’t wait to get your naked butt into bed (or on the couch or in the bathroom – or wherever you may happen to be at the time!)

  1. Plan Something Nice – it doesn’t have to be something expensive. You don’t have to take her out to the most exotic and costly restaurant that there is. In fact, you can make the perfect experience something you put together in your own home! Light some candles, put some classy music on, and get some food. If you can’t cook, you can get cheap takeout from tons of restaurants and grocery stores – just make sure you take it out of the plastic containers before you serve the meal.
  2. Be Gentlemanly – if you’re not living together, pick her up from her house and meet her at the door – honking from the driveway doesn’t count. If you’re living together, ask her to slip into something comfortable and be waiting at the bedroom door for her, arm extended. Kiss her hand – and don’t bring her hand do your lips, actually bend down and kiss her hand slowly. Pull out her chair during your meal and make sure that you see to her every need graciously and with a grin on your face.
  3. Dance – this is the most important part of the evening. Dance. Make sure the music is slow and smooth and pull her into a dance. Look into her eyes when you dance and take advantage of the little opportunities that appear. For example: when she tips her head up to look at you, kiss her gently on the forehead. If she leans her head onto your shoulder, pull her a bit closer.

Tie all three of these things together IN THIS ORDER and, most importantly, DON’T PUSH and I guarantee that you’ll not only get laid, you’ll be given an experience that you’ll never forget!

Next time we discuss how to get laid we’ll talk about what a woman can do to get her husband in the mood, even during football season!


One Response to “Romance Lessons: Lesson 1”

  1. sherry September 15, 2008 at 4:55 pm #

    Here’s another one:

    4 – Do some housework, totally unprovoked. 😀

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