Why I Dislike Sex

4 Nov

I know, it seems weird, right? Here she is, a woman who reviews sex toys, and she’s talking about disliking sex? What gives?

I’ll tell you what gives.

I think we put far too much emphasis on sex in our society. Seriously! Every time you turn around someone is getting picked on, or put down on, or made to feel ugly due to sex! Take me. I hate that I feel fat and ugly. I do. But then again, it’s not as easy as just having the “willpower” to be thin. I have a body that doesn’t LIKE being thin. It doesn’t like it so much that it makes it exceedingly difficult to lose weight. I could do the same diet and exercise program as a woman who doesn’t have any medical issues and while she would lose 2 pounds a week, I would lose 2 pounds in two months.

I’m not even close to kidding.

A few years ago I went through a massive phase where I dieted and exercised my ass off. I started by cutting down my carbs and by doing aerobic exercise 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes. When I saw no results after a month (and I mean NONE), I bumped the exercising up and lowered my carbs even more. I was miserable. I was crabby and grouchy and ready to kill someone. So I got really pissy and decided that I’d just starve myself. That ended well, lemme tell you what.

I know I have PCOS. I know that the symptoms include obesity and depression. Forget what GI JOe told you – knowing is not half the battle.

Because of my weight and the depression issues, I have serious issues when it comes to sex. I can’t turn my mind off. I can’t stop feeling fat and ugly. This means that I feel like I have to work that much harder to enjoy myself – but working harder doesn’t help you to enjoy yourself during sex.

I’ve had SO MANY PEOPLE I know tell me “Randi – just relax!” My answer? “HOW?!” How do you relax during sex? How do you not think about how fat you are, or how ugly you are?

It’s gotten to the point where I will get into one of my moods and I will tell Scott to just go out and get a girlfriend. That I’d almost rather just live together and husband and wife and mom and dad without the sex to complicate things, because complicate things it does. A few nights ago we were up until 1 am because of a situation that had occurred the night before…again…all about sex. I take full responsibility for being 70% of the problem in making this argument longer than it needed to be, and Scott was really sweet about it, but I tend to wonder if our lives would be easier if he had a girlfriend on the side who didn’t have the problems I have in bed. One who was self-assured and confident and who could orgasm in just a few minutes. One who never had “sex” issues.


4 Responses to “Why I Dislike Sex”

  1. Jenera November 4, 2008 at 4:11 pm #

    This is why we have sex with the light off. Even though my hubby loves me no matter what, I cannot get over the fat I have hanging off of me. When he insists on having a light on, I get very distracted by things I shouldn’t be then I feel guilty like I’m faking it.

    I think this is one of the main reasons why I’m so set on losing weight.

    Oh and that taking two months to lose a pound thing? Last year it took me the entire year to lose 5 pounds. It sucks ass.


  2. Misstressm November 4, 2008 at 10:18 pm #

    My dear, this has nothing to do with you. People with uglier bodies and more cellulite than you have sex and enjoy it. And so do super hot men and women who hate sex equally as much as you do. I am going to take a step forward and point a finger at your hubby. By all means I think he is a great man, wonderful father, and I can only assume that he is a supporting husband. But one of his many roles as a man is to make you feel hot. I am not saying that he doesn’t do that….i am just saying that if you are feeling to insecure with yourself he needs to reassure you that there is noting wrong with your body and so on so forth.

    I am so doing an entry on this. You have inspired me. But in all honesty, look at yourself in a mirror. My love you are not fat….nor are you ugly. If you want me to prove that to you, I have few pictures which I can send.

    I loves ya….

  3. PinkPiddyPaws November 5, 2008 at 4:35 pm #

    Actually Randi, I’m going to disagree with MissM on one thing. This isn’t about Scott. From you say, he’s supportive and loving and thinks you are HAWT and tells you so. This is all about YOU babe. How you feel about yourself and your own body image. Only you can work it out and until you do, this will continue to haunt you.

    And trust me, it doesn’t matter how thin a woman is, she will always stress out about SOME body part of her’s that she thinks is a flaw. It’s in our nature (and I blame the media for this..!)


  4. Finn November 5, 2008 at 5:23 pm #

    Everyone has issues with their body — everyone.

    Yes, your husband should make an effort to let you know how hot he thinks you are, but you also have to make an effort to remind yourself that this is about love and pleasuring each other.

    MissM is right; there are plenty of not-model-thin women that enjoy sex and plenty of girls with “hot” bods that don’t. It’s all about what’s inside.

    If you think he’d be better off with a girlfriend, consider how you would actually feel about that… worse I imagine.


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