Free Romantic Advice for Men!

2 Mar

I was going to write about more of my “OMFG the plane is going to KILL ME” neurosis, but I’ve actually got a message out there for men. Thanks to the many, many MeMe’s on Facebook (it’s like a blog on crack, people), I’ve been reading about my friend’s love lifes and their relationships with their partners. One of my best friends said this:

Do you get flowers often? No. I got flowers two days in a row three years ago, and apparently that was it.

Her partner, however, jumped on the blog and replied:

parenthetically, through investigation we have discovered K in a lie. I have brought her flowers at least twice in the last two years!

Men, I’m going to give you a few easy-to-remember romance tips that will make your love life oh so much better. Listen up and pay attention.

1. Flowers twice in two years is not enough – especially when they’re given during one of the holiday occasions (ie Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, Anniversaries). If you want to truly make her happy, get her flowers when there’s NO OCCASION TO BUY THEM FOR. You can even snap off a few wild flowers on your way home (yes, stealing from the neighbors counts and gets bonus points for being risky) and can bring them to her. With women, it’s all about doing the sweet thing when it’s not expected.

2. Do the planning! Every woman likes a night out occasionally, especially when she has children at home. Do some planning. When you know you’ve got time off, arrange for a babysitter for a few hours and make reservations at a restaurant. If you’re trying to save money, get a picnic dinner and go someplace quiet and relaxing to enjoy your dinner at.

3. Sacrifice your manhood. We all know men don’t like girly movies. The gentlemen I wrote about above considers Star Wars to be classic movies (not that I’m saying they’re not…). Most women have a different idea about what a classic movie is. My personal favorite classics? Pretty Woman, The Princess Bride, and Overboard. Pick an evening and snag one of her personal favorite classic movies – no matter how girly it is. Get some of her favorite snacks and relax and watch the movie with her. Here’s the important part – you have to watch the movie WITHOUT LAUGHING OR PICKING ON IT.

4. Listen to her hints. Being romantic isn’t about spending tons of money or doing what every other guy is doing, it’s about listening to her hints. For years I hinted that I really wanted to take a horseback ride with Scott. Then I flat out told him that I’d like to go horseback riding with him. Because it wasn’t a big interest to him, it got put off and put off. Then for my birthday last year, he knew he had to go big or go home (his birthday present earned me wife of the year – trust me) so he scheduled a horseback ride for the two of us. Guess what? He had as much fun as I did and wants to go back for another horseback ride this summer.

Listen to what she’s hinting at guys – it’s not hard, if you’re listening, to figure out what she likes. Does she love the idea of a guy on television cuddling with a woman at the beach? Set up the date and do it! Does she remark about how romantic picnics sound? Grab a wicker basket and head out. Does she say that she wishes she had more quiet time? Take the kids and give her the day off – because sometimes you don’t even need to be in the same room to be romantic. Giving her a full day off from the kids is one of the most romantic things that you can do, especially when she has little time to herself.

Want a surefire tip? Run a bath. Get the bath going – put in some bath salts and set the tone by lighting some candles. Grab a glass of her favorite alcoholic beverage (typically wine suits in this case) and surprise her with a scented bath that you’ve prepared just for her. Have her call when she’s ready to get out, and wrap her up in the softest towel you have. With you doing the drying, things are definitely going to get steamy…

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4 Responses to “Free Romantic Advice for Men!”

  1. Kate March 2, 2009 at 3:39 pm #

    I said I liked lilacs and he brought me a bush. We were going to name our daughter Iris, so he brought me home some after work. Far, far better, he brings me coffee on mornings when I really need it.

  2. Kate March 2, 2009 at 4:07 pm #

    And I get days off too! 🙂

  3. Jenera March 2, 2009 at 4:46 pm #

    Our version of romance lately is letting the other sleep in. Seriously, last weekend my hubby took the boys and occupied them with food and movies while I was able to sleep a whole hour by myself! it was wonderful.

  4. JM March 3, 2009 at 6:31 am #

    I’ll counter that with “Advice for Women”.

    1. Stop hinting.

    Period. Easy to remember.

    Women are, in general, more complicated then men, so it’s best just to say it. Not as fun, but I can point out ways why your list works for your husband and not mine.

    Personally, I don’t want flowers. Too expensive and a few make me sneeze. Then they just sit there… But there are plenty of women who feel exactly the opposite.

    I know, I know – Bitch of 2009 award goes to me. But really, in general, guys are easier to figure out.

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