Guardian Tree

19 Mar


Guardian Tree, originally uploaded by scootersbabygirl.

The kids and I have been taking walks lately. The last two times we walked through the woods (where the fairy tree was) and up behind our neighbor’s house. This tree stands there, guarding the gates of the forest, or so my highly imaginative brain seems to think.

I’m sort of down today. There have been people coming for the last few days to give us estimates on the stuff we’d like to fix on the house, and it’s getting me down. On one hand my step-dad is a good carpenter. On the other hand he charges me (his step-daughter) an arm and a leg for his services, when I know he’d never charge his “real” daughters anything to do work on their property. Right now I don’t want to deal with the stress or emotions that this often brings out in me.

Then again we just haven’t seemed to find a good fit yet. The chimney guy said that it was going to cost more than I’d budgeted to fix the chimney, and Scott is insisting that it has to be fixed. The estimates that I’m getting in so far on the roof are higher than I thought they were going to be as well, as are the estimates on the back porch.

Which means that it’s extremely plausible that Scott’s going to get his new roof (which he SWEARS we need – of course), and his chimney, we’ll pay off the credit cards, and he’ll get a new truck.

Say “buh-bye” to my screened in porch.

The porch is already on the back of our house, but the previous owners assumed that they knew what they were doing when it came to carpentry and yet they didn’t. So half of the stuff done in our house is done half-assed, including the back porch. I’ve put up with the back porch the entire time we’ve lived here. I initially wanted Scott to take all of the wood off and rebuild it just so that it was more sturdy.

He didn’t feel that he could do that.

So I’ve sat here, biding my time, waiting patiently until we could do something about the back porch. Now that we’re refinancing and it looks as though we’ll be getting a nice chunk of change to do stuff, getting the porch in good working order is my first priority (aside from paying off bills).

Getting the roof, the chimney, and his truck is his.

So I feel down and depressed, because I know, realistically, that the prices we’re getting mean that it’s not all going to be possible. I also know, realistically, that I need to make sure that the credit cards are paid off, and that he’ll have a heart attack if we don’t have a tin roof put on.

Just like I know if I bring this up to him, how I feel about the very real possibility that what I’d like to have done isn’t going to get done, he’ll patronize me with his old “come on Randi, you ALWAYS think that what you want isn’t going to happen, and look, it always does!” (let’s just forget that what I want usually takes a VERY LONG TIME to occur but God forbid if he has to wait for something HE wants).

My husband is a very unselfish man in many ways. He is, however, a MAN, and he tends to focus on something he wants and to put blinders on everything else, pushing my feelings, often, to the side.

So I’m depressed.

Maybe I can claim Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to the exploding Pyrex dish and sue Pyrex for millions.

Maybe then I’d get the porch.

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