Used

15 Apr

If you’re my mother and do NOT want to know about my sex life, do not click below.

I’ve been a very un-sexual wife lately. To be fair we’ve had a LOT going on. Two weekends ago we were in Connecticut, and last weekend we had to switch gears from Babygirl’s birthday to an Easter celebration for the entire family really quickly.

Because of the busy-ness, and the fact that my hormones are likely outta whack, I haven’t been in the mood for sex very often. Last week I was, and tried to show my husband thanks for his patience by jumping him whenever I got the chance and by doing some very naughty things (or, rather, letting him do some very naughty things).

But right now? So not in the mood.

Last night the hubby made me very aware that he wanted me. How did he make me aware? By saying “God I want to get you into bed tonight – I’m so horny”.

Mmmmm, kay.

We watched Fringe (yay – Fringe is back!) and I was all ready to get snuggly in bed. I climbed in quickly, almost trying to lay down and look like I was sleeping before he came in, but I didn’t fool him. He got into bed and started cuddling me and rubbing my back. Now THAT I can have some of.

He convinced me to roll over onto his chest and relaxed me by stroking my hair and back. Again, I can totally do this. A small part of me, however, knew that I wasn’t going to get away with just falling asleep on him, unfortunately, and I was right.

While he wasn’t mean, or rough, he definitely was out for his pleasure and his pleasure alone. It was over really quickly, but that’s about all I can say that was good about that encounter.

When I was young I thought that when I finally found a man that I would want to be with, I’d want to have sex with him all of the time, or at least a good amount of the time. And for the most part that theory was true – there are a lot of times when I actually want sex more than Scott.

Over the last few months, however, I’m definitely the one who doesn’t want to have anything to do with sex. I think I know what some of the issues are – feeling like a fat ass – but I also feel like he’s not doing anything to try to seduce me or “woo” me.

I’ve been having a very stressful week already, and the encounter last night has pushed me into the apathetic category of my life and has started me on the slide into depression. I can feel it, I know it’s there, looming like some sort of monster waiting to devour me whole, and I’m trying to avoid it, as I do not want to feel that way again.

Being used last night, however, has me feeling exhausted and ready to crawl into bed for the rest of the day. Again, he wasn’t mean or rough, but it was obvious that he didn’t care that I didn’t enjoy myself. Not once did he try to finish me off or to ensure that I felt good.

*sigh*

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4 Responses to “Used”

  1. Finn April 15, 2009 at 1:52 pm #

    Maybe he could tell that you weren’t into it?

    I’m sure we’re all aware that there are times when we make love and times when we just fuck. And that’s completely OK, but it’s not cool not to care about the other person having a good time.

    You need to do something to take care of you. Depression is not OK, feeling not sexy is not OK and out-of-whack hormones are not OK either. There’s got to be something out there to help you. xo

  2. scootersbabygirl April 15, 2009 at 2:04 pm #

    I think that there are a number of ways to be intimate – have sex, fuck, make love, ect. This was none of those.

    He and I have had conversations before about similar situations – it’s only happened a few times, but every time I feel used and, quite frankly, worthless.

    I’ve always had body “issues”, and I know when I slip into a depression those issues become worse.

    Thanks for commenting Megan.

  3. Sherry April 15, 2009 at 5:55 pm #

    How does he react if you say something like, “did that make you feel good? Care to return the favor?” after it’s over? I know stereotypically males like to roll over and go to sleep (or go eat everything in the fridge to restore their energy loss!) but maybe that would work.

    Or, if afterwards doesn’t cut it, what about playing coy? You know, inching away and teasing, “you’ll have to do a little better than that if you want to get me in the mood” and make him work for it.

  4. MrsRobbieD April 16, 2009 at 1:38 pm #

    I know I’ve had moments like this with my DH. Its like boy he better make it all about next time Or im gonna be the biggest moodiest wanch he’s ever been around.
    I know with us its generally mutual, He makes sure I get mine before him and sometimes I focus on him and skip me. Sometimes I just perform to get it over with so I can sleep. I feel bad sometimes but then again I’m sure he’s done the same. Wham bam thank you ma’am.
    As long as its not habit I’d not stress it.
    I’m dealing with body image crap myself, bigger than I’ve been but so is he. He’s weighing more than he’s ever in his whole life so I try to make him feel good and sexy. But he dont do the same in return, I’ve not ever been told I was pretty or my outfit made my butt or boobs look good for the matter. Nice or rude I’ve not gotten comments that make you go DANG I’m hott or least he thinks so.

    Sorry I wrote a ramble book!

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