Waiting for Divorce

24 Apr

Scott and I had a long, heart-felt talk the other day. During our conversation I realized something:

I am waiting for a divorce.

Don’t misunderstand me – Scott and I aren’t fighting. So why do I think that we’re headed for a divorce when we’re not fighting? Because that’s all I know.

My parents are divorced (they divorced when I was a baby). My grandmother and her husband divorced. Two of my aunts are divorced. I have a cousin who is divorced. I have many friends whose parents divorced. I have many friends who have divorced. I think you see where I’m heading with this.

Scott asked me during our conversation if I thought that getting divorce from him would be one of the most devastating things I’d ever experienced. My answer?

No.

Now don’t get me wrong – I love Scott and I don’t want to be apart from him, but if we were to divorce I would live. I would survive. I would have a hard time adjusting to being a single parent and to paying bills, but I would be able to go on. In my mind, there are a number of far more devastating things that could occur, such as something happening to one of the children.

I know it would be a hard change, but it is something that I would survive.

This floored Scott. He couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t be devastated to be divorced, and it made me think. Why wouldn’t I be devastated? Because I’ve seen it far too many times before. I’ve actually seen more couples getting divorced than I have seen couples staying together.

Scott isn’t free from bring his past relationships into our relationship either. For instance before we got together he’d been with the ex-beotch. The ex-beotch cheated on him over and over again. So Scott believed that any woman he was with, me included, would cheat on him. He kept this misconception for a very long time.

The difference between our issues? His issue goes away the longer we’re together. The more time we spend together and I don’t cheat, the more assured he is that I won’t cheat.

My issue, however, grows with time. I feel like the longer we’re together, the higher the possibility of us getting divorced is.

Yeah. I know. I need therapy. Or a LOT of alcohol…

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3 Responses to “Waiting for Divorce”

  1. Tracey April 24, 2009 at 5:34 pm #

    I completely see where you are coming from. My parents divorced. I divorced, My DH was divorced before. His parents divorced.
    Its more common for kids in elementary school now to be in blended houses than in with ‘normal’ houses. I’m better for being divorced and so his Rob. We are better people now.

    Rob’s ex did the same as Scott’s though she viamently denies this but ya know whatever. He gets around guys at work, who this one is leaving his wife, and that one’s wife has left for oh the 5th time in a year. WHY stay in a place that you are just hurting the other in those ways.

    Ya’ll will be fine its just a patch of muck you have to work thru. Are Rob and I peachy all the time? No. But we muddle along thru it.

    Im here email me anytime.

  2. cinnkitty April 25, 2009 at 1:15 am #

    It’s that whole feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop”.

    JT and I had a little spat the other night and in my head I was waiting for him to walk out and walk away. That was the FURTHEST thing from his mind, but it’s happened to me so much that it’s what I expect.

    So yeah, I feel you on this one babe, I really do.

    As for not being devastated — well, it means that you haven’t wrapped your entire being, you whole sense of self-worth into your relationship with Scott. And honestly, that is okay. Because losing yourself in a relationship is *not* healthy.

    The thing I LOVE seeing here Tinkerbell is that you and Scott are talking. 🙂

  3. Mistress April 28, 2009 at 12:49 am #

    I also come from a family of people who were divorced. My paternal grandparents were together until my grandpa died.

    I really think you need to have a confidence booster. You really seem down about yourself and your life. I am sure that your life is not perfect but at the same time it is not the worst.

    I too have weight issues, times where sex is really not an option and to top it all off I am tired from dealing with a 2 and 4 year old all day but I manage and get through.

    I do have some of the same issues that you do. You have to not dwell on these things. I do not want to be a statistic so I refuse to let myself go down that path.

    I wish you the best and I hope that you can get out of your mood that you are in!!

    Good luck!!!

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