Disobeying Orders

22 Sep

I called the doc’s office yesterday to discuss my meds after I’d done a bit more research and had found out that no, it’s not a good idea to cut extended release pills because its the coating on the pills that makes them release slowly into your bloodstream – duh. The nurse called right before 5, and then told me that the doc was out for the day.

Genius, I tell ya!

They just called this morning and she said that the doc wanted me to stay on the Wellbutrin in the morning and to take the sleepy-time pill at night. Because it’s always good to encourage someone who has addictive genes to take a highly addictive medication, right?

But actually, I didn’t take a pill yesterday. I did not. I freaked out it half the day because I HAVE been feeling better. Things that were festering in me and that I was slightly obsessing over have gone away, and I’m scared to death that they’ll come back. But at the same time, I NEED SLEEP. It took half the day yesterday for the side effects to start to disappear – actually they didn’t go away until about 9 pm. The jitter-iness stopped. The tightening in my shoulders and jaw stopped. And I slept like a normal person.

Except that I woke up at 4 am with a sore throat, which just shows me that the Gods of Sleep are pissed at me or something. Remind me to do a sacrifice to make them happy again, will ya?

I feel good today. I don’t feel groggy (which always happens after I have the sleepy-time medicine), and I feel like I can focus on my work (thank god – I have enough to do!). But I worry that I’ll start to slide into depression again. The doc wants me to keep taking meds. Finn recommended that I take them at night right before bed – I may try that tonight and see if I can sleep through the stimulation that the pills give me or not.

After all, I can always pop a sleepy-time pill to go back to bed if I wake up, right?

Actually, they seemed really surprised that I’d only taken a few of the sleepy pills. I think the fact that I want to take them is what’s keeping me from taking them. I’m seeing them as an easy-out – a good way to relax and to forget about things. And I know that my family (both sides) has an addictive gene in it, so I’m pretty sure I should only use them if I really, really need them, right?

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One Response to “Disobeying Orders”

  1. Jenera September 22, 2009 at 3:45 pm #

    I know where you are coming from on the sleep meds. I didn’t take mine long for the same reason. Sure, it would be so easy to pop a pill and everything is okay, sleeping soundly. But then the thought of getting hooked? Not a good idea.

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