Why I Never Trust Family Services

5 Dec

We’ve been foster parents for awhile, and we don’t often take cases. There are a few reasons for this:

1. We have children already in our home to care for and their needs come first.

2. We aren’t in it for the money, so we try to ensure that we never get into a situation that we feel that we can’t help.

This situation with Baby and Baby Daddy is a unique one, and we’re very glad we did take on the situation. I feel that we have helped Baby Daddy a bit and I think we’re providing a good “halfway house” type of situation, if you will. We’ve both said that we’d like to do a similar type of situation again.

Today, however, I’m very upset with Family Services. Today, because Toad’s birthday is tomorrow and we’ve got a sleepover happening (send.alcohol.please.), DCF set it up so that Baby went back to his foster family and Baby Daddy headed out to spend the night with some relatives.

The social workers told Baby Daddy that it would be a good way for Foster Family to say goodbye to Baby – to give them one more night with him to help with the goodbye process. See, they’ve told Baby Daddy (and I’ve been here to hear it with my little ears) that they’re recommending that Baby go with Baby Daddy back to his home. They’ve said that Baby will still be in custody of the state, at least for a time, and that they  have some concerns, which they listed out for him on paper, but that they’re definitely recommending that he goes with his father back home.

When the foster mother came today to pick up Baby (Baby Daddy had already left to make the transition easier), I took a few moments to ask her how she’s feeling about court coming up.

“Nervous, but I’m trusting that what’s right is what will happen,” she said, “I mean, DCF has said that he’s not leaving the state, because Baby Daddy hasn’t done all that he needs to do, so I’m doing okay.”

SO, to recap in crayon: DCF has told Baby Daddy that they’re recommending Baby go with him out of state, and DCF has told Foster Mom that Baby won’t be leaving the state.

Huh. Does anyone else smell something rotten in DCF?

I’ve known for a very long time that social workers will say things that they need to say to get what they want, and to some extend I can understand that. I can understand why they’d need to bend the rules to get a child who needs to be removed away from a parent without a huge showdown.

But blatantly lying? Because it’s obvious that they’re lying to someone here. They’re either lying to Baby Daddy, or they’re lying to Foster Mom, and as a foster parent, I definitely can’t condone this. It’s just wrong. If they’re going to recommend that Baby goes with Baby Daddy, they need to tell Foster Mom that, and if they believe he will be kept in state, even if just for awhile, they need to tell Baby Daddy that.

As of right now, as far as I know the only one who knows of this deception are Scott, I, and the people at DCF. I’m not going to tell Foster Mom or Baby Daddy about what we know. It’s not really our place. I’m just going to sit here on the day of court and love up Baby as much as humanly possible, because really, what else can I do?

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2 Responses to “Why I Never Trust Family Services”

  1. Jenera December 5, 2009 at 4:24 pm #

    That seems wrong that each person would be told what they wanted to hear. I mean, if BabyDaddy is the one being lied to that could totally break him! Is there anyone that you can talk to about this after the fact? In a way that’s like “Hey I heard this, it ain’t right, consider doing something about it” kind of way?

  2. J April 30, 2010 at 1:23 am #

    I am so upset for you!!!!

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