22 Jan

Everybody has issues. I think that one of our missions in life should be to figure out what those issues are and to work through them, at least until you get to a point where you’re comfortable with them or to where you’ve overcome them, if that’s possible.

In the last few months I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I’ve never said that I was someone who was perfect, nor have I ever believed it. And I have worked hard for years to figure out some of my issues. One more issue has finally reared its ugly head, and that is the issue of abandonment.

It’s no secret that  my father and mother divorced when I was 16 months old. And apparently I still am dealing with the issues of abandonment from that? I say that as a question because I’m just not sure where the issue comes from.

When I first got with Scott, I threw everything I had at him. I was a total bitch. Eventually he realized that it was because I was trying to push him away, and at the time we both thought that it was because of my ex-boyfriend, but now I’m not so sure.

The entire situation that happened in the last six months has made me relive some of these issues. I feel like I’ve been abandoned and disliked by so many people:

  • One of my oldest friends
  • My husband’s family
  • Members of my family

It may only be three bullets in a list, but when you add up the people you wind up with at least 22 people, if not more.

In my head, I know that it shouldn’t matter to me that people don’t like me, but it does. I wish it didn’t, but it does. It really bothers me that family doesn’t like me. In my obviously delusional mind, family should be the one that cares about you.


2 Responses to “Issues”

  1. Finn January 22, 2010 at 3:10 pm #

    I wish I had something brilliant to say that would make things clear for you, but I don’t. All I can say is that I’m sorry you’ve been hurt and those who hurt you don’t deserve you. xo

  2. Jenera January 22, 2010 at 4:34 pm #

    I don’t think there is every a clear cut solution with things like this. Even when I’ve done the cutting out of people, there is still that loss that exists.


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