Dark Clouds

26 Jan

Ominous, originally uploaded by scootersbabygirl.

One of the problems with being a blogger is that you eventually have to figure out what you’re comfortable talking about and what you want to keep to yourself. Some bloggers write about their family members and children and use their full names. Other bloggers write about nothing more emotional than their trip to the supermarket.

I am, obviously, a blogger who writes what I’m thinking. Scott has always said that I wear my heart on the cuff of my sleeve, and he’s right. I’m not someone who can avoid talking about the pink elephant in the room, and I’m not someone who can pretend to be happy when I’m not. That’s just not in me.

Now I won’t sit here and say that I’m perfect – I’m far, far from it. I’ve always been told that I’m hard on myself.

So here’s what I need to talk about today. I had a long phone conversation last night, and I’ve had a few other conversations recently, where people have told me that my blog is the issue. That my blog is the reason why others have issues with me. They do not believe that I have the right to write what I do, or that I should even have this blog.

I disagree. I believe that my blog is something tangible that can be used to point fingers at. The thing is, there are no names on my blog, save mine and my husbands. Unless you know me personally, and I have discussed the situation with you or you were INVOLVED in the situation, you would have no idea who I was talking about. So while I do understand how reading some of the things that I have written can be upsetting if you are the person I am talking about, nothing was ever written maliciously, and nothing that I have written is untrue. Everything I have written is my feelings.

But let me get out of that and back to where I am going. In a situation that has been going on recently, I am coming out as the bad guy, and my blog is being blamed for many problem.

Do I believe that my blog is the big problem? No. I believe that there are tons of issues that have not been discussed. Issues that have been going on for almost a decade and that have been pushed down or hidden behind closed door. And apparently they have now all come to a culmination, and in order for people to get out their frustration, they’ve chosen my blog as the main target. One of the things that I think bothers everyone the most about the blog isn’t what I’ve written, but what others have responded. The wonderful people who respond aren’t doing it because they want to put down anybody or any situation I write about, but they are doing it because they want to support me. If you read through my comments, you can find many where people give me a verbal bitch slap myself and where they say, “hey, Randi, wake up – you made a bad decision.”

But while this is a problem that others have with the blog, I can commiserate because it is the same problem that I have with people in the real world. They feel ganged up on by complete strangers, and I feel ganged up on by many people in the real world.

No one likes to say think that they made bad decisions or that they helped a bad situation to occur. It is normal for people to look for something else to blame.

I’m someone who, as I’ve said, is very hard on myself, and I will absolutely take blame when I am to blame. Do I think that I am to blame for this entire situation? No. I feel like there are many other people who are to blame for this situation (and yes, I am involved as well) and yet, for some reason, it all culminates on me and my blog. During the conversation that I had last night, my blog was mentioned more times than I can count. Every time the conversation was steered away from the blog, it veered back to it. It has gotten to the point where I’m going to take a good portion of the day to go back to try to find rude or cruel things that I have written, because I have no memory of them.

During the conversation, I made the remark that relationships can only work if there is compromise. And this is true! A relationship, any relationship, can only work if there is a compromise. So what am I willing to compromise? In order to “keep peace”, I am willing to compromise by being very careful about what I write on my blog. To think before I type.

But my feelings are hurt too. They are not the only ones who have been hurt. I have been extremely hurt and put down and made to feel as though I am a bad person. So while I am willing to compromise, I need to see some effort back. I need to see that I’m not the only one compromising. Just as you need to be willing to compromise to make a relationship work, BOTH sides need to compromise, and so far I have seen no compromising from the other side. That is what I am waiting for.

But how long do I wait?


6 Responses to “Dark Clouds”

  1. JM January 27, 2010 at 12:18 am #

    Give it a few weeks and see what happens. You’ve acknowledged their feelings and are doing something about it. If they don’t at least acknowledge yours, then you know the blog isn’t the real problem.

  2. Jenera January 27, 2010 at 5:29 am #

    I don’t really have a good answer for you because I’ve had issues of my own with the blog. Only difference is I name names because it’s how I am. I’m open and honest. It would appear though that maybe some of the people in your life do like the mirror being held up. when we leave comments here, we are an unbiased (kind of) third party and honest feedback can be rough on people even when we (the commenters) have no idea who THEY are.

  3. Finn January 27, 2010 at 11:23 pm #

    1. Gorgeous picture!

    2. What do you say here that’s pissing people off so much? You mostly talk about you, and what’s happening in your life. What’s to be pissed about?

  4. scootersbabygirl January 27, 2010 at 11:42 pm #

    JM – thanks for the advice. I will!

    Jenera – And I love you guys for your support – sometimes I need a third person’s opinion.

    Finn – THANK YOU! We got this shot driving home the other day. As for what’s to be upset about, from the gist of things I got that they were just upset that I spoke about the general situation. Obviously they really don’t understand blogging.

  5. Jodi Jenkins January 28, 2010 at 3:37 am #

    Oh, we understand blogging! We just don’t always understand YOU! I thought I also let you know when we spoke in length, it’s not all about the blog, it’s how you treat/speak to others that we have a problem with!

  6. Jeannie and Michael January 28, 2010 at 11:30 am #

    Obviously you are never going to get it so don’t even pretend that you do.

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