Uglier Than Ever

18 May

The friend who came up from NH? She’s the type of woman that all the guys flock to. She’s thin, cute, and has a bubbly personality. When we were all in high school, there could be a huge group of us girls hanging out, and the guys would always flock to this friend.

It was hard to be mad at her, because she didn’t even realize what she was doing. That’s just the way that she is.

I was never mad at her for the situations that happened when we were all around her. I may have been jealous – I mean, what woman wouldn’t want to have guys fawning over her the way that my friend did?

So when we went out to the bar on Saturday night, I wasn’t surprised at all to find that men were, once again, fawning all over her. She was trying to set up another friend, but all of the guys she tried to set up expressed obvious disappointment that she wasn’t after them. I sat there reminiscing about high school and feeling grateful that I had a husband at home who loved me and who found me sexy, because obviously no one else did.

Scott often chats with this friend online – they goof around all the time. Last night he’d said over and over again that he needed a shower, but he kept goofing around on Facebook and the time was getting later and later.

So I turned to him and said “hey babe – if you want to watch House you might wanna think about taking that shower.”

“Yeah okay, just let me say goodbye to the wo….um, to your friend.” (he really said my friend’s name, but I’m not going to put it online.)

Growing up I always fantasized that some day I’d find a man who called me some sort of sweet endearment – like sweetheart or darling. What I got was Scott and his “woman”. He calls me woman as a way to show me that I’m his and that he loves me. I’ve had some other women tell me that it’s “demeaning”, but he doesn’t mean it in a demeaning way, and it has become something that I look forward to hearing.

And last night he gave that term of endearment to someone else.

According to him, he “almost” said it, and he feels that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.

He always flirts with her, and not just in a light way, but in a pretty hard core way, and yes, I’ve told him that it upsets me, and he always says that he won’t do it anymore. And then he does it again. I usually just try to deal with it. Using my endearment on someone else, however, I can’t seem to get past. combine that with the other situations that have been going on lately and I feel ugly. I don’t mean just your garden variety ugly, but ugly with a capital UGLY.

Wait, let’s add fat to that. Fatter and uglier than I think I’ve ever felt.

And Scott? Thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. That I’m intentionally trying to pick a fight.

I’m not.

My heart is bleeding and he just doesn’t see it.

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2 Responses to “Uglier Than Ever”

  1. Finn May 18, 2010 at 2:50 pm #

    Oh honey. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.

    But you’re not ugly. I just wish you could see it. And I wish your goofy husband could understand what you need. Have you told him what you need from him?

  2. Jenera May 18, 2010 at 10:57 pm #

    Hmm, I don’t know how I’d take my husband using a term of endearment for any other woman. I take that back, I’d hate it. But it’s rare that he even uses them with me. So it would be a big deal.

    I can totally see where you are coming from and how it can be upsetting. I’m not sure if you are making a mountain like Scott says or if you have a right to be REALLY upset because it’s like a gray area.

    I wouldn’t tolerate any type of flirting because it’s not Daniel’s type of behavior so any form of it would be out of character. Is Scott always flirty?

    I know that if the situation was flipped, Daniel would not take kindly to me being too friendly with another man online.

    I’m sorry. I wish I had something more constructive.

    ::hugs::

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