New Look

12 Jan

Yes, this is a new look, decided on a spur of the moment. I’m trying to get used to it. TRYING. Don’t get comfortable with it, though, cause it may change in a heart beat.

I asked some friends on Facebook what they saw when they looked in the mirror. Some of the answers were funny, like “me” or “my f-ing mother”, but one person said what I would’ve said – “not what I like”.

Scott is always trying to tell me that he loves how I look, then he’ll touch my belly and I’ll immediately jerk away. I hate how I look in the mirror. I hate that I’m not a size 2, and that I’ve got a double chin. I hate that I don’t know how to apply makeup well enough to make myself look better, and that no matter what I do I can’t seem to lose weight.

But I also don’t want my daughter to feel this way. So I’m always trying to tell her how great she looks. I always compliment her hair or her latest outfit (yesterday it was white leggings, a hippie jean dress, and a camo shirt underneath – kid you not), in hopes that she won’t grow up with self-esteem issues.

I want to like what I see in the mirror. I want to think that I’m pretty or sexy, but after so many years of hearing the opposite, it’s not an easy thing to change my head around. Hopefully one day I’ll see something different in the mirror.


4 Responses to “New Look”

  1. Megan January 12, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

    It’s so hard to see ourselves clearly. You have a husband who adores you and loves the way you look. Maybe you can get him to tell you, in detail, what he loves the most. Then try to see yourself through his eyes.

    You are beautiful, and you are worthy. Never, never doubt that.

  2. Jaime January 12, 2011 at 10:19 pm #

    I put ‘a mirror’ in response on Facebook to be a bit of a smartass but also because it’s true in a way. I have a hard time seeing myself – my real self – in the mirror.

    One of the things I struggle with is seeing myself as I really am. Somewhere my brain misses a beat and I’m always shocked when I see myself in the mirror. It’s not how I see myself in my head. I’m trying to work on that, but it’s hard because my body is far from where I want it to be, so I’d rather embrace the delusion…

  3. Jaime January 12, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

    PS. Think for a moment, too, what it would be like if your husband was put off by your body… Men will do as they wish, so your hubs still wanting to touch you is something to be grateful for – and something some wives wish for.

  4. faza January 14, 2011 at 1:58 pm #


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