Finding Happiness

21 Mar

Has nothing to do with the post, but it’s pretty, eh?



I remarked to Scott last night that I’ve been happier in the past few months than i have been in a very, very long time. I find that a smile pops on my face much faster and easier than it has in forever, and that I’m able to enjoy playing with the kids more now than I think I ever have. I’m happy when they come home and I’m sad that they have to go to school. I’m ecstatic to spend time with Scott and even the stupid mutts (not Duke, the other two morons) aren’t bothering me as much as they used to.

So what caused this miraculous change? Is it the medication? Maybe. I’ve been on medication for over a year now (I think it’s been a year? Maybe?) Or it could be because we’re more financially stable now than we have been in a long time. But, honestly, while these things may actually have contributed to my happiness, I almost think that the biggest part of my happiness is because of the dynamic that Scott and I have finally landed in.

We’ve been together for a long time. And both of us remember the first year or so of our relationship as the happiest we were together. Then things got…tricky. Unlike many relationships, we were only together for six months before we got pregnant with Toad. Life definitely changes when you have a baby, and our relationship changed. Scott went from enjoying spending time with me to enjoying spending time with Toad, and I found that I was having a very difficult time being a mom at the age of 21.

Life continued and we raised our son, helped raise our nephew, had another baby, ect. While we were happy that we had a family, the two of us didn’t seem to be able to find the dynamic that we’d had that made us both so happy in the beginning of our relationship.

A few years ago we decided we’d start trying to figure us out. I wasn’t happy, and while he was content, he wasn’t anywhere near as happy as he could be, and he was upset that I wasn’t happy. We started experimenting with our relationship and trying things that, quite honestly, I never thought I’d try. While these things definitely sparked our sexual relationship, it didn’t make US as happy as we could be.

Then, one day, we stumbled upon the answer. We found the dynamic that we’d been missing. At first it seemed strange that we enjoyed it so much, but then we realized that we’d had the same type of dynamic when we’d first gotten together, in that first year, before our son was born, even though we didn’t actually have titles to our relationship back then.

And we have also both found ways to relieve our stress. What’s interesting is that they’re two different ways. He relieves his stress one way, I relieve mine another. We still enjoy spending a great deal of time together, more so now than ever, but we GET each other more than we ever did before. We get what makes us happy and we love seeing how happy each of us are.

And this means that our children are happier. See that photo above? It’s one of the funny things that happens in the spring here in VT. The warm days make puddles, but then the water freezes on the top due to the cold temperatures we get at night. Then, in the morning, you head outside and you SMASH the ice! It’s just like jumping in a puddle, only way cooler and has much more satisfying crunchy noises.

This morning I brought the kids outside to get into the van and after I saw all of these little pieces of frozen fun, I started jumping on them with the kids. They immediately got in on the fun and started smashing the ice with me. It got them off to school in a good mood and, while we were smashing the ice we stumbled upon this beautiful piece of ice. With all of the bubbles and swirls we all thought it was too pretty to smash.

I’m happy. Scott’s happy. The kids are happy. We still have little tiffs, of course, and we’re not perfect parents, but we’re all so much happier now than we’ve ever been before, and that makes me happy. It makes me happy to know that the kids are still at an age where they’ll remember this happiness more than they remembered the unhappiness that we had in our lives a few years ago. I want them to remember happiness and joy in our lives.

I’m happy. Scott’s happy. the kids are happy. I’m grateful.


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