Can’t Afford

3 Aug

So here’s how summer usually goes:

June – Kids get off of school and we spend a few weeks getting used to not having to wake up early. They have swimming lessons and lots of time on the trampoline.

July – Summer soccer starts and Scott gets vacation from work. We head to an amusement park (or something similar) for a family vacation.

August – Getting ready for back to school, enjoying the last few weeks of summer vacation, and my birthday (blah).

Last summer it didn’t go quite like that – we didn’t have any summer vacation because we were headed to Disney. The kids completely understood and I didn’t feel guilty AT ALL because I knew that come October they would be two very happy monkey-children. I fully expected that this year we’d be back to our regularly scheduled routine.

Only we’re not.

Kids had swimming lessons, Scott had vacation, we did summer soccer, but the vacation thing? Not happening.

And I feel horrible as hell about it.

Why isn’t it happening? Are we completely reckless with our cash and spend it all on ourselves? Not likely. I have 2 pairs of shorts. TWO. Yes we got a new vehicle this summer but we traded and the payment is about the same as the previous one. We didn’t go out to eat a lot and we actually saved money by finally getting high speed (we were able to shut off H*ughes net which is SO expensive). So why don’t we have the money to go anywhere?

My job is either feast or famine. Sometimes it’s feast, sometimes it’s famine. Last month it was totally feast! This month has yet to be decided yet. But wait, you say, what about all of those weddings you’ve been busy doing?

I’m owed $1,200 from those weddings.

I have 3 clients who have not paid yet. One has started making payments. One swears that she’s going to start making payments. And the other? I haven’t heard from in a few weeks.

We took the kids to a pizza place a few weeks ago – kinda like Chuck E Cheese but without the annoying mouse. Still that was under $50. We’ve paid bills, and still owe money for our oil, and no, we don’t have tons of credit cards (only 1).

We have enough money to pay our bills. We have enough money to buy the kids new school clothing and shoes, and enough to take them to the annual county fair in a few weeks. So compared to what life could be like we’re doing okay. And trust me, I’m BEYOND grateful that we have a house to call our own.

I see everyone on Facebook coming back from vacations. Some went camping (SO not going camping with the monkeys only because THEY DON’T STOP RUNNING AROUND AT THE CAMPGROUND and it’s more stressful than not!), many went to local amusement parks, and some traveled all the way to Maine.

I want to take the kids somewhere. My heart is broken because we can’t. They have been SO amazing this summer, dealing with me working and having photography clients over that they totally deserve to be taken somewhere amazingly fun even if only for a day. But I can’t swing it, and I’ve spent all day crying because of it.

Scott SWEARS that we can. He obviously forgets about new clothing (he thinks of things in 70’s prices and is shocked to find out that jeans cost over $10 a pair for boys jeans), forgets about little pesky things like groceries or oil, and swears that we can afford a trip anywhere we want to go, even though he has no idea WHERE to go. THAT is frustrating me most of all, as he’s getting the kids hopes up when I’m pretty sure that we can’t swing it right now.



One Response to “Can’t Afford”

  1. Megan August 3, 2011 at 7:56 pm #

    So sorry to hear this. Are you taking deposits for your wedding work? You should probably do a 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 scenario – 1/3 to book the date, 1/3 a week (or two) prior and then the final third afterward. That way you won’t get stuck with nothing if they don’t pay in full.

    Do not let up on the people who are not paying. You are owed that money!

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