Us.

31 Jan

If you had been blogging the amount of time that I’ve been blogging, you’ll know all about Dooce – one of the original bloggers and someone who has made quite a bit of money doing this. I don’t begrudge her the money or the fame, especially since so many problems come with it all.

A few weeks ago she announced (in a roundabout way) that she and her husband were separating. I made a comment on FB about how so many marriages are failing and how it makes me sad as it seems like many people don’t work on their marriages anymore. Now I have no idea what the story behind Dooce and her husband’s separation is – for all I know they worked really hard on their marriage – it just made me think about those people I know who are separating.

It makes me thankful for us.

I’ve known Scott now for almost 13 years. We’ll have been parents for 12 years this coming December.

Our relationship isn’t perfect. We have arguments – we actually joke around that we can both tell when a fight is brewing because it’s been so long since we had one. Then, sure enough, we wind up having an argument. Sometimes it’s a small tiff that lasts only a few hours – sometimes it’s a huge blowout that shakes the very structure of our marriage.

Our foundation, however, is solid. That, I think, is what keeps us together.

Scott is my rock. He’s the calm one in this relationship and the person who keeps me tethered to reality. He’s always there to give me his opinion and for me to lay my head on. He knows me better than just about anyone else, even though his manly hormones sometimes stop him from doing what he knows I really want, he gives me everything I need. My photography business wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for him, and I truly believe that I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now without him.

He’s my best friend. He’s the one I want to hang around with and to play games with. I’m still amazed that after all this time together we haven’t run out of things to say to one another. I’m still amazed that all my lady parts can start tingling when he gives me a certain look. I’m still amazed that I haven’t driven him away.

I’m not an easy person – granted I’m sure I’m a lot easier than some people, but Scott once said I was high maintenance, and I agree with him. I’m not someone who needs to have a lot of money spent on them, or who needs to have fancy clothing or makeup – I spend 1/2 the day in my pajamas – but I am high maintenance when it comes to emotions. I need a lot of reassurance and cuddling and touching. Something he’s more than happy to give me whenever I need it.

A lot of people have told me how lucky I am to have him, and I agree. He’s an amazing, sweet, sensitive, funny man. But at the same time I’d say he’s lucky to have me too. We compliment each other perfectly, especially since he tends to be optimistic and I’m a realist. He tends to like to stay in his comfort zone and is a cheapskate (TRULY!) and I tend to like to try things outside of my comfort zone occasionally and am good at usually figuring out when we need to spend money on something even if he doesn’t want to. (NOTE: He ALWAYS winds up agreeing after the fact and commenting that he didn’t know how we got along without whatever item we purchased).

A close friend and relative of mine is having issues with her relationship. I’ve tried my best to be there for her, and to give her my opinion when she asks for it, but the way she talks about her relationship with her significant other I can’t understand. They do so many things separately, and they seem like they’re constantly at odds. They separate money and often have separate meals as well.

We do so many things together. I feel like I can’t start eating when he’s home unless he’s going to start eating too – and he feels the same. We go to bed at the same time almost always, and it feels odd to go to bed without the other. We watch movies together and play the Wii together. We do have separate interests, but we honestly do spend a great deal of time together. I know it probably sounds like an old-fashioned relationship, and you may be right as he was raised by parents who were a great deal older than mine so he likes those old fashioned values.

But, at the same time, a lot of those old fashioned relationships lasted a very long time – I see couples at weddings who have been married for 50 – 60 years.

That is what I want.

That is what he wants.

That’s what we’re after.

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2 Responses to “Us.”

  1. Jenera January 31, 2012 at 8:45 pm #

    This sounds like Daniel and I. We spent almost 6 of our 7 years married apart since he was on the road so much. But we had to work so much harder when he was home that it kind of balanced it out. But yeah we’ve had some whoppers of a fight, with one that was a slap to the face for us both because we could have so easily lost it all without realizing it.

    We had some things with a few close friends and their relationship problems that shook us to the core because it seemed like everyone around us was falling apart without even trying. And it’s rough to watch.

    Anywho, it is good to hold on to stuff like this, to want to be in the same room and doing the same things because it’s a good example for the kids and keeps things good I think.

  2. Cinderella February 3, 2012 at 1:33 am #

    Glad that you two have such a nice solid relationship. That is something to be happy for, and feel good about. I haven’t read your blog that much, so I liked how you explained things about the two of you, it gave me a visual picture of a loving marriage that is honest about the ups and downs yet at the core is totally connected.

    As for Dooce, I thought there was a lot of egocentric phoniness going on with her after she became famous. Anybody going through a divorce usually feels pain and failure and disappointment to some degree. I have no idea why they separated but the answer usually is that things stopped working.

    I have to say though that if Pioneer Woman’s husband divorced her, I’d feel like it served
    her right. Same sort of phony crap as Dooce. But that’s mean spirited of me.

    Marriage isn’t always people sharing the same values. Sometimes it is and that can be
    good, or sometimes it is and that is exactly hwerre all the problems lie.

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