Shocking People

I love shocking people. Seriously! I have best friends who will tell about how I’ll start a story with something benign and then will slip in something earth-shattering. A conversation with me could go something like this:

“So we headed over to the grocery store and I got the biggest watermelon you’ve ever seen. Then we hit McDonalds and…do you remember Mr. D, our high school teacher? He was there and was really excited to see the kids. Then we grabbed a few videos at the new movie store – you know the one, down the street from the McDonalds? And then I found out that your sister is pregnant even though you know nothing about it, and then we headed home to unload the groceries…”

It’s just my little way of making sure that I shock people as much as possible. It’s fun! Seriously, try it some time!

But here’s where I shock you all. I do not now, nor have I ever had one of these:

Yup – a cell phone. I have never had a cell phone. I am, at this point in time, just about the only person I know to not have some form of a cell phone.

But Randi? Why don’t you have a cell phone?

Because we have no service at my house. I don’t live in the middle of the boondocks – well, okay, to those of you who live within 30 minutes of a Target or Wal-Mart, maybe I do, but around here I’m not anywhere near as far out in the woods as we could be. I actually know people who are way further out in the woods than we are who have cell phones.

My house is a dead zone. About a mile on either side of it you can get cell phone reception, but right at my house? Nothing. Nada. El-nope.

But Randi, you ask, how can you live without a cell phone?

Actually – pretty easily.

See when you don’t have a cell phone you get used to leaving the house and not worrying about who is going to call. Because if it’s important they’ll leave a message on your answering machine to call them back. And if you go to the grocery store without a cell phone, and are determined to go once, you either make a list or get REALLY good at remembering what you went to the store for.

Can someone please help me understand text messaging? When you have no cell phone seems kinda silly. Why do you text someone when you can just call them? You’ve got a cell phone, you’ve obviously got their number, why not drop them a phone call instead of a text message?

Would I get a cell phone? Oh please don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-cell phone. I’d actually love one, but not when I had to pay up the bootie for it. If coverage was available at our house, and the price was the same as, or less than, our current phone bill, then I’d definitely get a cell phone.

But right now? Now it makes no sense to get a cell phone when I have no coverage and would only have to pay another bill.

I’d rather save my money for a vacation. Or strippers. Really high-class male strippers who preform hot oil massages on their clients.